The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
