The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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