pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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