I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
