Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
