There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize