you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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