I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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