i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize