Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Randomize
