4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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