I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
