Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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