you traded sex for a burrito?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
