i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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