i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
