My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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