sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
be right there i have to get my cape
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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