Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
