I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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