youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
