everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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