Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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