dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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