i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
