Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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