So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
