I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You may now shotgun with the bride
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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