You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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