her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
