haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize