nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
