Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize