i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
