Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
