We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
