They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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