so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
