Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize