i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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