would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
