At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
