I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I came so hard my ears popped.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
