apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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