The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
it's like heaven, but drunker
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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