You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
