dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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