did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
