We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
