I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
