I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
