return my video game
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
