Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Randomize
