im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
