i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize