Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
