Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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