Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
