I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize