My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
