Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
