return my video game
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
