I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
