I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
