i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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