i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
