You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize