are you still at the devil's house?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
