Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize