You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
