What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
