Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
