Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
