I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
