The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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