Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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