Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
What changed your mind?
Being sober
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Will exercising make me less horny?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
