I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
