and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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