How'd it feel making her break her religion?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
